Аттрибуты настоящего защитника Родинки
Галерея Истории Органы Форум Об авторе


Откровения
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  • My Spartacus 
  • Spartacus II 
  • Spartacus III 
  • Spartacus IV 
  • Spartacus V 
  • Spartacus VI 
  • Spartacus VII 
  • Spartacus VIII 
  • Spartacus IX 
  • Spartacus X 
  • Spartacus XI 
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    В НАЧАЛО




  • Spartacus-5. Music for my soul

     1. What are a color in cinema and the music in my life

    I wrote already about my trip in London, where I was a month by invitation of Nick Bamforth. In the St. James Church near Peccadillo Circus I met a nice lady, whose husband worked in the Cinema Center near Oxford Street. Just the first main central area of gay life in London is located between these two places of London, while the second one is around the station Ells Court on the blue line of London tube.

    The lady, with whom we participated at St. James Cathedral in the spiritual circle with discussions and even dances, invited me to their home in the small city. This old city located north from London is known, because Sir Winston Churchill graduated here his college. The lady told me that her Jewish relatives or ancestors were from Russia, while her husband was a real Englishman. He was very pleased knowing that I was interested in English films at all (I really like them) and in particular in the films of his good friend, film director, writer and painter Derek Jarman. Due to the help of my new friends I managed to talk to Derek by telephone. The producer was greatly astonished that his films were shown and known in Russia and Russian gays liked them very much. Derek suggested me to take one copy of film, which I liked much more. I told him after thinking about "Garden", which I haven't seen, but about which I've heard the very good comments in Moscow. Derek promised to do it. And we agreed to meet next week.

    But when I came to my friend in Cinema Center (it is also very near to BBC) in appointed time, my friend told me that Derek was very ill (he suffered and finally died of AIDS). He asked me to excuse him and transferred to my friend that he preferred to give me a film "Edward II". I was so silly not take this film, because I thought that it was historical film, while I needed only a gay film. Finally my friend told me that Derek was a little upset with my solution but couldn't help me: there was not a copy of "Garden".

    Finally I've seen all the films of Derek in Moscow and had read a book of Jarman about colors. Derek was admired of colors, and he used it successfully in his films. By the way our known film director and also gay Serge Eisenstein was the first, who announced the importance of colors in cinema: you could feel the triumph of color in his film "Ivan the Terrible". One central scene of this mainly black-and-white film was made in colors. Many film critics in Russia and abroad analyzed the great effect of colors used by Eisenshtein in details.

    Derek took a step ahead and his colors became often not only the means for solving the tasks set for himself but as if a character with its character and mission in film. It was especially reveled in one of his last and genius films "Edward I1". (How crazy I should be, when I followed to my gay spoiled nature and foolish offense and make the great mistake, when I refused from Derek present!). I've seen this film saturated by gay spirit and made with a heavy heart only 6 years after Derek death at the retrospection of his films in Moscow cinema museum. I think that just in this film Derek said the most important things about the constant tragedy of gays in this world, and he wanted himself Russian gays to see it.

    Derek used the color with different functions, and the color characterized the actions, history, relations and heroes and sometimes it had the same role as, for example, the different colors characterized the different periods of Picasso. Especially good in Derek's films is the red color. The triumph of RED exists in all his films. For example, in "Karavagio", where he showed the typical fate of gay painter, he used the RED color for the most important scenes of film, for example, for scenes, where he wanted to make the fraternize with one his model and put the blood from his wound on the face of this strong man with excellent figure. The RED color conducted also the dead lady, who was a girl friend of this man. He killed her, because he wanted to become the total friend of painter. It is true that in the beginning Derek was himself a painter and his designing work brought him finally to the work of films' director.

    Before, when I had first read some books of Oscar Wild, Tomas Mann or Andre Zhid ("Immoralist" etc.) about gays, these books were for me as a shock, revelation and good luck. However there was even in these books no answer to all the questions and no data on the wide moral, physical and everyday problems of gay nature, life and interrelations. Derek in his films shows EVERYTHING, he poses the questions about relations between gays and their relations with the surrounding people (in particular, with relatives) and the society. Sometimes, when I saw the Derek's films, it seemed me to get undressed naked, as if I was put before the total world and all my bones were "washed". I believe that before Derek nobody and nowhere roused these questions so openly, honestly, with full confidence and contemporary. But Derek didn't give the answers directly; he replies to them by putting these questions and giving you the right to think about them and to find the your own solution.

    Now I want to return to my own story and to note that the music played the same role in my private life as well as the above-discussed role of colors in the films of Derek. Even now I often remember as, when I stayed in my child and youth years alone at the country house, I dressed in the corresponding women's clothes and sang practically all arias for mezzo-soprano from the operas of the great Russian composers: Vanya from "Ivan Susanin" by Glinka, Maria Mnishek from "Boris Godunov" by Musorgsky, Olga and countess from the known operas by Tchaikovsky. I could also sing endlessly the numerous songs by the popular Soviet composers - Dunayevsky, Blunter ("Katjusha"), Solovjov-Sedoi and others.

    My parents, when they felt my love and passion to music, had bought finally the piano and found a very good teacher for me - Genriyetta Iljinichna. I could write a separate novel about my relations with this beautiful lady Guenechka. I shall tell only that she helped me to undergo successfully the program of usual musical school in two years and she instilled the deep love to music at all and the serious desire to understand it. Now Guenriyetta is living in Israel and her grandson becomes the more and more tremendous pianist.

    My wish after lessons with Ganriyetta to understand deeper and to listen and to hear the music seriously resulted in my visits to the different universities of musical culture that were then so popular. But I heard there only that the music could be good and "realistic" or bad and "dodecaphonic". The latter (bad music) included not only the music of Debussi and Ravel but also the main things of Shostakovich and Prokofiyev. But the fate was kind to me and finally at one of such universities in Moscow house of actors I met two men, who played and play the important role in my spiritual and musical life. We managed together to organize the Moscow Youth Discussions Club.

    2. The music youth discussions club as an important part of my life

    If to judge in general, the purposes and the role of this musical club were very similar to the purposes of the conferences on "Organization of Transformation" and should help to its participants to solve the problems of life in the most optimal painless way. In the section devoted to Maria Yudina I wrote already about two main organizers and leading men of musical club: two Gregories - Fried and Golovinsky. The club appeared in the time of so called of Kchrutchev's "spring" and began it constant functioning in Moscow Composer House. It was the time for rising of intellectual and spiritual life in the country. However as I wrote earlier the main reasons and stimulus for creating this unusual club were these two excellent musicians, one of which was a composer and the second one - a musicologist as well as the young people of new generation, which needed the new communication and transformations.

    It was still the communist time. And therefore the organizers and participants tried not to advertise the club in the beginning. Even in years of so-called Brezhnev stagnation the information about club was very limited. But everybody, who visited this our club, received the tremendous impulse and enormous impression about it, and therefore the rumors about its so unusual activity were spread over the total world.

    For many years I asked our main organizers and leader Gregory Fried to write a book about Club and only relatively recently he described the different sides of Club work in some his books. The first one was called "Music, communication, fates". Really the fates of so many different people were intertwined with the Club's history: musicians (composers and performers), philosophers, poets, scientists, engineers, painters, physicians, writers and even priests. Our club became a creative laboratory for the birth of new ideas, arts, friendship, morality, spirituality and music. Many problems and directions of life and different activities were discussed in the Club. But all our evenings concerned music, and therefore they include first of all, the creating and interpretation of musical works.

    Gregory Fried wrote in his mentioned book that today any cultural man should have knowledge about the main processes in physics, chemistry, cybernetics and philosophy. It is necessary, because many social and moral problems appeared just in connection with the new scientific openings. The really "active" in Club in addition to its usual members, or visitors, are Shostakovich and Shweitzer, Einstein and Prokofiyev, Shnitke and Korchik, Rostropovich and Ann Frank. And it is not important, if they really present or they are presented by their art, ideas and works. Einstein said that the moral features of prominent people had more meaning for the present generation and the total historical development than only for the intellectual achievements. Just therefore Beethoven, Bach and Mozart became ones of the "main heroes" in the Club.

    Beethoven wanted "to put" the best musical "dress" on melodies, harmony, rhythm and architectonics, and his moral ideas made him not only the great composer but also the great man. It concerns as well Shostakovich, whose music is most performed in our Club.

    One of the reasons of Club's success consists not only of the encyclopedic knowledge, good will and skill of our leaders, but also the support of hall, all members in this not light and noble activity.

    What are our sessions or workshops in the club? We have the fluent discussions, much talking and exchanging of ideas, however the Music has the main role in our meetings, which are usually on the responsibility of one person for this given evening (usually Fried or Golovinsky). We actively used the system of written notes with questions and opinions and of answers to keep discussions going. But by regret the last two years these notes prevailed over the real discussions.

    Our meeting takes place on Thursday in the large hall of Composer house, which has seats for more than 400 people. Before we had also the "small" Thursdays for the chamber music and discussions. For example, the known composer Alfred Shnitke told us there about "the secrets" of modern music. He was an extremely knowledgeable man and in addition a good musicologist. Sometimes the discussions in club become acute and severe, when everyone creatively participates in the artful process of discussing the most complex problems of the arts and society.

    At the same time the Club is a place for musical enlightenment. I am agreeing with Fried that the arts shouldn't be a convenient sofa for ammeters of pleasures, which prefer the passive TV to the attempt of active contemplation. Indeed Music demands a great emotional and intellectual effort, which is connected as well with any spiritual life.

    The Club is a kind of workshop for creative art, where every meeting becomes a concert performance with its teams and play-writers. Every evening demands a vast preparation and not only the fantasy and inventions but also for handling the numerous "dull" matters, which are not visible to most people. We have in Club the direct contact between people of completely different professions, inclinations and temperaments. The talk with using the music and words is very near to people, easily understandable and two-sided.

    Here it is useful to remember one example. The Canadian pianist Glen Gould stopped playing in concert halls just ten years after beginning his concert activity and began to write music for recordings. He interrupted at all the connection with listeners or live audiences, in whom he saw only "a crowd demanding spectacles". Gould went to the North of Canada, where he lived alone between audio recording done in the presence of automatic robots, to which he virtually gave his soul. It was slavery and not in any scientific-fiction novel you could find such a tragedy of modern man endowed with the highest intellect and creative genius. It was the very tragic ending.

    As I mentioned, the Club's core consists of the people of different specialties. And it is natural that together with many musical evenings devoted to the modern composers and musicians of old times, the separate musical pieces, instruments and genres, performers and casts, there are the evenings with very wide problematic set, when the music is one of the elements of the more complex system, which is under consideration together with other arts and forms of human thinking or knowledge, for example with its connection with the philosophy and sociology, mathematics and genetics. Due to it our musical evenings are often going out of the narrow professional limits and concern the general problem of transformation of organization, spirituality and morality.

    For example, it was impossible to speak about dodecaphonic composer Shonberg without mentioning the Thomas Mann novel "Doctor Faustus" and the problems arisen there. It was also impossible to discuss the music of Shostakovich with keeping silence about the philosophical content of his music and its morals. As to Bach, it was difficult to speak about him without mentioning the large researcher of his works Albert Shweitzer, who had studied the esthetic principles of this great German composer on spiritual base.

    Such analogies and penetrations create the impulses for your own thinking and reflections. But the Club doesn't give you the ready dogmatic decisions and the prescriptions for perception. The club trains us to discuss and to develop our own esthetic and ethic criteria. Our Fried underlined that only a thinking man could be:

    responsible for his actions and his existence on the Earth,

    spiritually rich and morally sympathetic,

    disposed for understanding and perception of really excellent things,

    able to resist against the various and malicious acts and events of surrounding life.

    Therefore the Club became for its visitors a teacher, which was so far from edifying methods and deliberate didactic. We had a possibility at many evenings with the participation of composers and performers to penetrate in the secrets or laboratory of the process of creation. It concerns as well the listening of music, because it is also the art.

    The unity of all presented persons, the absolute silence and attention, with which the people listen to music, are really striking and I didn't met it anywhere else. Many excellent traditions were worked out in Club: discussions, notes to leader with questions and opinions, a wonderful friendly atmosphere and the desire of all good modern musicians (composers and performers, first of all Russian) to participate in evenings. For 35 five years there were more than 100 evenings.

    It was so that sometimes anybody from these composers or performers was ill or couldn't participate in evenings. However the evening practically never were repealed. Just in such not forecasted evenings out leaders were especially responsible, and their knowledge, experience and skill were then revealed especially brilliantly. A Gregory Fried had read not published yet chapters from his future books just at such evenings. By the way the activity and experience of Club need the further analysis and description.

    I was in the club from its beginning. Usually speaking about other colleagues and musicians both Gregories spoke me with jokes that they were the single abnormal people among them. They meant that both of them are married and have the normal families. Of course many musician are gays, but nobody discussed these problem at our evening and only at the meeting devoted to Dyagilev this problem was really sounded. But the special feature of Club is the tolerance to all manifestations of life. I am so obliged to both Gregories for that atmosphere, the joy of life, the noble thoughts and marvelous music, which they present to me and all other visitors of Club.

    The Club tries to put and discuss many relevant and really interesting problems. For example, it is interesting to understand why the composer or the performer did express the highest God's will. The creation in art is the complex and mysterious process. In this case it is important to know, who is a creator himself, what is his way in life and what is his inner world and ideas. It is expedient to connect the personalities of artist and creator. The result of creation became finally independent of its author. How then can the musical work express the world and ideas of creator? What is the influence of circumstances of art's history and author's life and what the influence of author and his personality on the fate and significance of his works? All this questions are discussed in our club for decades.

    Of course the special attention is paid to the composers, which are looking for the new means of expressing (Webern, Shornberg, Aives, Messian, Boules, Penderesky etc.). We had in Club a happy possibility to meet such modern composers as Shnitke, Denisov, Gubaidulina etc. As to me I became a friend with some of them and you could read before about my friendship with the known pianist Maria Yudina. For me to speak in life with prominent composers or performers was always the happiness and allowed to understand many mysterious things. I am a happy man, because I was a witness of all Club's activity and found there many friends. My Club became the important part of my life and my being.

    3. Creative role of music in modern life and business and in our

    Community

    Music is accompanying us everywhere. Its role becomes for us sometimes all-absorbing, especially when we are seized by it, live, think and feel in such way, as its creators - a composer and its interpreter(s)-performer(s) want or wish. However in cinema of theater the role of music can be attendant or subsidiary, though even then the music fulfills one of the most important functions in helping and tuning you on the harmonious concord that is necessary for the producer, actors and all creators. So, the music becomes at times as a background, when in parallel with other matters at the work and at home you are hearing the broadcast song or there is the TV transmissions with music. We hear often such music in shops, at stadiums or even in restaurants and cafes.

    However the music can become a special tool for forming and enriching our life. The music influence on our consciousness and subconscious's helps to organize the free flow of feelings. The music promotes opening all our potential opportunities and awakens the spiritual experience hidden deeply inside us.

    We want learning ourselves and involve the interrelations with our bodies, try to focus on our intellect and on the unimpeded flow of feelings and emotions. Due to it we create the energy for our spiritual life and its development. By means of healing and transforming the energy of music and the images, which it created, the people discover themselves, gain the wide natural experience, due to which each aspect of our human essence and our creative abilities begin to work and be used.

    The special or programmed music can become a therapeutic instrument reaching the innermost intensities. The music awakens our dreams and assists to open those symbols and feelings concealed in our subconscious's. It should be noted that the program's music in its musical term is the music bearing a certain content, which the author (a composer) and listener can hear and even express by words. On the whole the music is rather "abstract" art and expresses the feeling, ideas and images.

    The music is going out the limits of verbal or philological (words') therapy and can result in a quick healing. When it is suddenly dawned upon us, it can often become a reason of personal or spiritual transformation.

    The shamanism that is spread among the northern people and in Siberia is using also the music cult music) for healing. The music contains so much magic and intelligible things. And music can be used and is being used for healing and treatment, while we don't know yet all its opportunities in this sphere.

    It is interesting here to remember the German scientist-musicologist Christopher Ruger working in the Berlin High School of Arts. He prepared the unusual book "Musical Pharmacy" and I want to give some ideas from it (they were presented by Tatiana Abramova in the magazine "Bud zdorov"). C.Ruger began his book with a phrase from the old key instruments: "Music is healing a body and a soul". He says that there is the connection of concrete emotions with some organs of human body, and he recommends listening to the corresponding music under a certain state.

    C.Ruger tells about the disastrous effect of loneliness of the psyche and explains how Music helps to handle the negative emotions destroying the health. The music is born in the total loneliness, however after it the music is able to unify the people perceiving the philosophical meaning and the deep content of musical sounds. The music fulfilled the role of language, by means of which it associate the people unified by the close esthetic and spiritual demands. Therefore each listener is finally not alone: he enters in the new for him and excellent world.

    The fate of many great composers was connected with loneliness. It concerns Musorgsky, Tchaikovsky, Bruckner, Brahms and Ravel. But the loneliness was sometimes the voluntarily chosen form of existence - it stimulated the creative forces.

    The examples given by C.Ruger are important for everybody especially for the gays, which feel themselves often very lonely in the waves of so difficult and homophobia reality.

    Beethoven could defeat the especially pitiless form of loneliness - the isolation from people because of deafness. He created the great works being in the soundless space that would seem unthinkable for a composer. C.Ruger believes that the powerful healing power is concluded in the last piano sonata (№32). Everybody who listens to this music should feel what spiritual wealth was accumulated in the depth of heart of this lonely, sick, deaf and stuttering composer. This hidden world is opened through the passionately emitting and bubbling with life sounds of music.

    The best means from melancholy and depression are, in Ruger's mind, listening to a good music everyday. In the beginning the chosen melodies should bear a very active character, and then they should be substituted by music with the softer sound. It is necessary to listen to music not sitting in an armchair or laying on a sofa but to perceive it in the physically active state accompanying the appearing feelings by certain movements, for example, by conducting or moving in time to the music.

    The musical therapy is based on the principle of accordance, when the harmony appears between the mood of listener and the emotional content of music. If a culmination in the rigid and even gloomy music is associated for the listener with a peak of dramatic situation and the relaxation takes place after it, the man is released from the heaviness of his own state.

    The piano fantasy D-940 of Franz Shubert dated by 1928 - a year of composer's death - should help to handle the heavy state of mind. It is one of the best works of composer and is filled with oppressive melancholy. The last part of fantasy represents the dramatic culmination, which seems to be not hopeless. The finale of fantasy testifies the human sufferings could become and really become the source of his strength.

    The classic example of work created by composer who overcame the heavy crisis of mind is the second piano concert by Rakhmaninov. The composer fell into a deep depression after failing his first symphony and practically stopped to compose. The Moscow doctor Nickolas Dal helped him to go out of this state. He treated him by means of method, which was called now as a creative visualization. Dal forced the composer to represent that his new work would have the tremendous success. Rakhmaninov began to work and created the concert for piano with a finale that became the apotheosis of gladness and love of life.

    If the depression for Rakhmaniniv bear the temporarily character, it took the form of heavy mental illness for Robert Shuman, and only the creative activity saved him. In the period of illness intensification Shuman created the excellent piano concert A-moll, which is one of the masterpieces of the world musical culture. In the same time Shuman was creating his second symphony, which is the exact opposite to concert in its mood. It is possible to feel here, that the composer is at the mercy of illness but is fighting against it with all his might. Shuman confessed that these two works reflected the essence of his inner resistance to the ailment. The deep despair, overcoming of suffering and returning to life reflect the idea of the Second symphony of the great composer.

    The aggressiveness is, in Ruger's mind, the emotion, which ruins the physical and mind's health. The music is helpful in this case too. It is necessary first of all to splash out the aggression listening to the music arousing the strong emotions, for example, the music of Stravinsky "The sacred spring". The premiere of this ballet took place in 1913 and the scandal conducted it. The musical passages excited the listeners in such way that they were engaged into the loud conversation. Two groups from the supporters and opponents of music were formed, and they got to the point, where the clarification of relations was finished with hand-to-hand fighting. The eyewitness of this premiere wrote: "I was sitting in the box and a young man was standing behind me. His impressions from the performed music were so strong that he lost his temper and began to beat my head by his fists. I was so excited that in some time I didn't notice these blows. Both of us were beside ourselves".

    There are many musical works, which are exciting, rigid and express the aggression. The bellicose overture of Rimsky-Korsakov opera "Pskovityanka", the expressive Bartock music (suites and ballets "Wooden Prince" and "Wonderful Mandarin") are as if specially intended for releasing the accumulated emotions. Only, please, don't repress yourself - stamp your feet, conduct in time of the music! Then it is necessary to listen to the calming music, for example, of Bach or Mozart and after it - the merry one. In Ruger's mind, if a smile were not stronger than despair and the good were not stronger than hate, the mankind would stop for sure to exist.

    The great composers understood well the healing force of gladness. "The joy is healing", - wrote Rossini. When he was six years old, he was already the author of six violin divertissements, which the critics called the jokes of genius. These first compositions determined all the creative activity of Rossini who didn't conceal his desire to make the people merry. To listen to Rossini's music and to forget about your gloomy mood - what can be more healthful? Such works as the eight symphony of Beethoven bubbling of life and with humorous parties for tenor, the second symphony of Maler, the suites of Haydn, the orchestra suites of Debussy return the optimistic view of life driving away the oppressive thoughts and melancholy.

    One of the chapters of "Musical pharmacy" is called "Impatience". C.Ruger believes that the impatience can be treated as manifestation of illness. It is impossible to handle with all difficulties of life without the calm and wise relation to it in our time of violent speeds. The music raises the patience much more than another kinds of art. The majority of composers waited patiently for success, however the latter didn't come to some of them at all. Another ones such as Franz Shubert had it only once in life: there was only one official presentation of his works to the audience during all his life. Nevertheless not so far before the death Shubert completed the last Ninth symphony called as "Great one". This magically sounded music is full of hopes, faith and love to life.

    Patience and persistence characterized all creative and performing activity of one of the brightest Russian composers Alexander Scryabin. After being the excellent pianist giving concerts he was just around the corner of his career's failure: he traumatized his right hand in such way that he couldn't play anymore. Scryabin began the daily practice which were prolonged for the whole year, and he composed the prelude and nocturne especially for the left hand. C.Ruger suggests to listen to the optimistic and even stirring etude №12, opus 8, which was written by Scryabin in the period of crisis and where the part of right hand was reduced to a minimum.

    Very many people are not confident or not sure in themselves. Some of them feel themselves not very attractive, another ones - not gifted enough. Ruger writes that it spoils and poisons the life of such people. However remember how many great composers had the reasons for the lack of confidence, but they overcame it. Tchaikovsky was a typical gay and he was emotionally unstable man: each even insignificant offense made him to be in tears. In his youth Tchaikovsky was panically afraid of scene. When he conducted his First symphony he almost lost consciousness from fear. Ten years were needed for composer to overcome this state.

    The deafness of Beethoven is the fact known to all. But not everybody knows that the Czech composer Smetana was also deaf last decade of his life. The serious psychic disease was added to his deafness in last two years of his life. Nevertheless his known violin concert "From my life" composed during the illness is full of hopes and optimism.

    Moris Ravel showed the extraordinary steadfastness in the face of his heavy illness. He suffered from the disease of cortex expressed in the speech and motive disorders: the fingers refused to play piano and he couldn't finish the phrase that was begun. The malicious destiny haunted Ravel. In 1932 during the accident he received the trauma of head. The disease grew progressively worse; the composer couldn't write music and lost quickly the memory. He needed the whole week for writing a letter, because he couldn't remember how the letters looked. Nevertheless he managed to overcome the most expressed manifestations of illness by means of a force of his own will, and five years later he came in theater for the performance of his ballet "Dafniss and Chloe". The rhythm of known Ravel's "Bolero" is full of passion and optimism. Try to listen it more often, especially when you are very busy and the head is full of problems.

    The therapeutic role of music is especially strong, when the human is confused, helpless, suffers, is ill and doesn't see the exit out of difficult situation. The music gives to a human the feeling that he is not alone and not left to the mercy of fate. The great composers showed by their own lives how to overcome the sufferings by transforming them in the source of inspiration. Their struggle and aspiration to happiness found the reflection in their works as in a drop of water. Please, meditate over it. And then the long-suffering insomnia, which would seem to do your life unbearable, will become as nothing.

    To the point, now some words about insomnia. The music is the reliable medicine also against it. There is the ancient musical remedy against insomnia - a lullaby. It has the very expressed calming action due to the uniform sounding, the rhythm lulling to sleep and the soft melody. All typical features of lullabies could be found in the slow parts of symphonies, concerts, sonatas, violin quartets of composers of the end of XYIII and total XIX centuries.

    This music well relaxes and calm. The count Kaizinger being the Russian ambassador in Berlin suffered with the severe form of insomnia and once found the means bringing salvation from it. By chance he listened to "Golberg-variations" by J.S.Bach, which led him to the state of full relaxation, after which the long-awaited sleep came.

    The modern doctor-psychiatrist Oleg Siletsky from city Rostov-on-Don treats his patients by means of romances. It was so that the symptoms of quite serious diagnoses were described in many intimate Russian songs. The doctor analyzed these songs and some Gypsy romances and managed to use them for healing. I know that the songs of Alla Pugacheva have the extremely very positive effect on gays.

    The scientists proved the phenomenon of some musical works that calm and improve sleeping. They include "Dreams" by Shubert, the main part of "Moon sonata" by Beethoven, "Prologue for night" by Ravel, "Pictures from exhibition" by Musorgsky (especially the part that is called "Ancient castle"). These musical works normalize the heart rhythm, decrease the blood pressure and even remove the spasms of vessels.

    "I try to be pharmacist but not a quack, - writes Ruger, - and recommend against insomnia not any exotic methods. I chose the melodies, which are able to arouse this state by natural way".

    After these words and ideas of Christian Ruger I want to add that there is the excellent music helping to transfer softly from the morning sleep to staying awake. It is obligatory to listen to it attentively. And it is better not to hear the bravura from the morning, when the frame of our mind is so friendly to us and to the world. The chamber music of baroque, for example the concerts of Vivaldi, is better suitable for the light and natural beginning of day.

    If you have no wish or time for the morning walk, please, substitute it, for example, by the orchestra suite to ballet "Dafniss and Chloe" by Morris Ravel, the overture "Dawn on Moskva-river" by Musorgsky of the first part of symphonic sketches "Sea" by Debussy.

    The Armenian doctor Gerazi who lived in XII century recommended such medicine for ill people: "Listen, please, more the pleasant melodies!"

    The known academician Bekhterev believed that the intoning sounds create the base for healing properties of music. The low tones in music are associated with something heavy, dense and material. The high tones create the feeling of lightness and the sensation of space. Music can make miracles by means of keen and accurate effect of these tones on the emotional sphere of human and through it - on all organism or body.

    Music is a language, which everybody understands. It is more expressive than any other language, because it effects on the subconscious and appeal to the human soul. Music is the best method for clearing the soul and body.

    By means of music we learn: to break through emotional blocks; to relieve depressions, anxiety and stress; to uncover the source of our addiction; to work through the issues in our relationships; to discover our own inner guideline helping us to resolve the life issues; to give our inner child a chance to play and to have a joy again; to connect us with our spirituality; to make a peace with our past and to reach our full potential.

    The great people said about music:

    "Music expresses such things, about which you can't speak and on which you can't keep silence"" (Victor Hugo),

    "Music is a shorthand record or a verbatim report of your feelings" (Leo Tolstoy),

    So, the music allows us to approach the deeper levels of creativity and growth. It permits us to accelerate our healing or to promote this process, and it allows us to look inside ourselves for opening our consciousness and subconsciousness, to understand our own soul and conscience, our inner spiritual and moral values.

    As the technicians, businessmen and engineers usually don't receive a holistic education (which includes the arts), the scientific discoveries and modern technologies resulted in the strong social, moral and cultural destruction. All of us are now being called upon to become the cultural men and women, not only businessmen and women. Such cultural human should understand that we have not a business that adds the more technological bells or whistles to our lives unless we could simultaneously preserve carefully the moral and spiritual achievements of our ancestors, which were accumulated during the mankind's expansive cultural development. Einstein said: "The moral features of prominent people (both in the past and the present) have probably the greater meaning for the present generation and the total historical development than for the only intellectual development".

    The music is the physical, emotional and spiritual honing device that integrate us with the other arts and knowledge concerning philosophy, mathematics, genetics, sports and business. Whether we are aware of it or not, the music is a main impetus to the creativity that shows up in all these disciplines or spheres of activity. Do you know anyone, who never listens to music? Not likely. The great composers have influenced on our lives much more than we could ever really imagine or know.

    What is a role of music in our gay community? Practically all gays like music and dances. I was astonished a few years ago, when I knew about the growth of a number of gay choruses in the United States and Germany. By regret there is no such chorus in Russia. The repertoire of Choruses in Seattle, Portland and Los Angeles is very vast and include the classic works and folk songs of different peoples. They sing the spirituals of Black people and even the Russian songs. It was so that when I visited their concerts or rehearsals, they had the great success and performed on the high professional level. Many gays singing in these choruses have the high musical education, and the leaders of these collectives are the extremely talented people and musicians. It is my dream to hear in Moscow our own Russian gay chorus.

    I have written already that many stars of pop-music in Russia and abroad are gays. It is funny and not expedient to enumerate the names of these people, and I have already mentioned many of them above. It is so that many of them are not afraid to be and to announce their gay belonging. I wrote how important for me was to see the Rainbow flag at the scene during the performance of Boris Moiseyev in concert hall "Russia". I liked very much the singing of Elton John and Rupole. Many modern singers, whom you can see in TV programs, have earrings showing that they are the gays or want to show themselves as the gays. It became fashionable to be a gay among not only the pop-stars but also for many male designers of cloth. If such designer is shown as a hero of any modern film, he is obligatory a gay.

    4. Gay films and music surrounding me everywhere

    A number of gay films and films with gays are constantly increased, and the film directors try to have at least one gay hero in any modern film independently on the fact, which is the director: a man or a woman. I like the films about gays and with gays, because they show the gay theme mainly from the positive side, though among the gays there are both good and bad people. The good but very short description of gay cinema is given in the mentioned books of Igor Kon. I can't forget my first impressions about two gay films - one about Oscar Wild ("The process over Oscar Wild" that was made still in 50th) and the second one - English film "Maurice" about two gay friends.

    I've seen the film about Oscar Wild at the first Moscow festival. After it I had seen so many other films (sometimes at these film festival I managed to se up to eight film - I like cinema) but I remember the content and scenario this film with all details. Four things astonished me then and are still important for me up to now:

    O.Wild had a wife, two sons and other relatives and all of them knew about his homosexuality (he didn't conceal it), and they were very tolerant to it and took him as he was.

    During the court many witnesses were invited and most of them were the people not "high society" (coachmen, dvorniks etc.) and all if them testified about their connection with writer. Finally Wild had to adopt his homosexuality and he had the last speech, in which he said that relations between gays represented the highest level of human relations and friendship and that in 50 years just such relations would reign in the world.

    Oscar Wild and his young friend Bosy appeared everywhere in society in so good suits with green roses in buttonhole of jacket, and they tried showing to everybody how happy they were. But when they stayed alone in the country house, they didn't know what to do, and such situation exasperated them and resulted even in knife-fight.

    When after deportation in France O.Wild was permitted to come back in England, he promised to fulfill one condition - not to have any relations with Bosy. The train with the writer and dramatist approached to the London railway station and of coarse the first man, who wanted to see and to hug him after the long separation, was his Bosy. Bosy rushed to him, but Oscar turned away and went in other side to his relatives. I cried and imagined what I could make in such case. Then I knew yet that in many cases of life the circumstances could be stronger than the people and their desires.

    From last gay films I want to note also English film "Ben" about tragic fate of Gays and Jews during the Second World War. Especially interesting are the films of Spanish producer, whose film "All about my mother", I've seen recently. And I was happy, when I had possibilities to visit the Festivals of G/L films here in Moscow as well as in Paris and Copenhagen

    Another part of my life is connected with the dances on ice, where the dancers can dance and hear many good musical pieces. Just at the skating rink I met so many good friends. I shall tell now only about gays. Valerie, who danced with Olga (I began ice-dancing many years ago just in one group with Olga), was a very soft and intelligent guy. Olga told me some times that it could be so interesting for me to be friends with her partner. Finally I understood that Olga as well as me partner-girl Asienka (I mentioned her already) knew about our gay nature and tried even to help us. Frankly, when I knew about it, I was a little shocked. But it is so. In my mind it is the highest level of human relation and I was happy to feel it at my skating rink.

    So, Valery was a chemist by profession and for some years prepared his doctor dissertation. In the same time he was a director of amateur musical theater in Moscow University. He invited me at his performance, where he tried to combine the classic and modern pop music, the serious and as we say the light music. His students like it and therefore they do it with great pleasure. It is a little strange for me, where he could find so many new and good voices. Of course we discussed with Valerie not only musical matters, though his knew quite well my musical club and we could speak about his theater and my club for a long time. Usually we discussed our trips abroad and the events at our gay beach in Stroguino, where we had often the meetings and he was usually with his constant boy friends. Sometimes Valerie permitted me to sleep with my Ed in his flat and we both were so thankful for his support and friendship. Valerie and I are finally the musical and dancing friends, and such friendship is so expansive.

    Another skater Anatoly was a teacher in school and he was a partner of Zoya, who was also in the same group, where Olga and I began to dance on ice. Finally Zoya found another partner, because Anatoly often went abroad or simply disappeared from our skating rink. I met him in the dirtiest gay places of city and even at the railway stations where he tried to find accidental partners. Once he invited me to his place. I was astonished to see that his ceiling is totally covered my mirror. He explained that he loved to see there the reflection of all actions. I knew also that our partner-girls were in his place and were astonished no less that me seeing them reflected in the ceiling.

    Once Anatoly found me at beach, and he was absolutely nude. Of course it is not so strange for our beach, but his story astonished everybody there. Anatoly said that some hooligans in the park near metro stole all his cloth, when he fucked in the cabin of toilet and hang it on the quite high wall between cabins. He managed to run in such state to our beach (about 3 km), where I gave him my second swimming trunks, while another gays tried to find something else. It was good that it took place in hot summer day. As to another dancing gays, I met them already not on ice but in our gay discos.

    I want now to present some thoughts about possible effect of loud rock- and pop music sounding at our gay discos. Finally the human body is the complex acoustic system perceiving all outside vibrations. The specialists noted that the majority of musical rhythms are coordinated with the natural rhythms of organism - breathing, cardiac contractions and especially biocurrents in brain. The musical sounds are first detected by ear. Its receptors transfer them in the brain, which reacts immediately on this stimulation. And as all functions of body are connected with brain one way or another, all changes taking place in it influenced on all physiological processes. Recently the investigations of some rock- and pop music were carried out in the department of acoustic of Moscow State University. The computer decomposed the sounds by frequencies, overtones (harmonics), and noises and then calculated what music influenced on man.

    It was established that the people, which are predisposed toward nervous disorders, fall into the state close to the psychic collapse after two-three listening of separate compositions. Their hands began to tremble, the keenness not only of hearing but also of vision was lost, the content of adrenaline in blood and the pressure were increased, and the pains in heart were begun. Such music can be lethal for the people with high blood pressure and bad heart. Even the practically healthy people can lose the reactions and good ability to work from the certain music. If to hear some compositions of rock music for a few hours, as it took place at gay disco or concerts, the stomach can begin to secrete the excess hydrochloric acid that could result in the intensification of peptic ulcer. The visitors of gay discos should think sometimes about such results.

    Now there are in Moscow at least 5 such discos, and all of them appeared only in last years. And wrote above what was our first experience of such type. But I was happy to visit some places abroad, and I mentioned about such discos in Swiss Basel or in the London area Ells Court. I visited also some places in the United States and in particular the great holiday Halloween in New Orleans. I remembered as well the dancing bar located not so far from Market Street in San Francisco and the similar place "Timberlines" in Seattle. There I enjoyed greatly with their local dances, which were finally the same as "the square dances" for gay and lesbian or "the country dances" for the straight people. These dances reminded me a little my ice dances and therefore it was so easy for me starting to dance in their unusual manner (unusual for the usual dances at discos).

    And of course, when I was at States I was so glad and thankful to my friends, who helped me to visit some skating rinks (in Oxford and Paris I was with another my skating friend). I was alone there and I felt on ice as a king using and inspecting his ice resources abroad. But when I made it in Berlin the young skaters knocked me down and I couldn't sit more than one month after it. My visiting the skating rink in Portland for rolling skating had as a result only the broken trousers on my knee. But it didn't stop my successful finally skating. I repeat that all these events were conducted by music creating for me a special atmosphere of my divine state. It is also one of the reasons, why I like to visit Christian Churches: Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant, Lutheran or MCCC (American church for gays and lesbians): everywhere I can hear the excellent and quite different music. But if to begin writing about their differences, it should be necessary to write a couple of extra chapters. I want to finish with the words that all such music is excellent and therefore I like it.

    5. Musical theater and ballet's world.

    I like the musical theater from my first visit to Bolshoi, when my mother took me - 6 years old boy to the opera "Evgueny Oneguin" by P.Tchaikovsky. This practically first visit to theater and the marvelous production in Bolshoi, which was recently and after many years renewed by its director Boris Pokrovsky, so deeply fall into my soul that I loved forever this scene, hall, music of Tchaikovsky and generally all musical and dramatic theater.

    Then in my scholar years I visited often the Central Children's Theater, which was in these years one of the most interesting theaters. Such great people, as M.Knebel, A.Efros, O.Efremov and dramatist V.Rozov worked there, and I knew and loved all actors and tried to see the performances of the same play by many times. To get tickets was then very difficult, and everytime, when the parents managed to get them (due to the patients of my father-doctor), we visited another opera and ballet performances in Bolshoi.

    But really I had become "ill" from ballet already after graduating my railway institute and just when I joined to the gay world. Possibly the ballet being quite understandable and accessible to everybody (it doesn't need translating) similar to all serious music requires a certain preparation or maturation. I was maturated by that time on many levels. In addition the new wave of excellent dancers came in theater including V.Vasilyev, E.Maximova, M.Lavrovsky, N.Bessmertnova, N.Timofeeva, N.Sorokina, M.Liepa etc. The dancers, whom I loved and, as everybody, enchanted - G.Ulanova, M.Semenova, M.Plisetskaya, R.Struchkova, A.Messerer, M.Kondratyeva, N.Fadechev, Yu.Kondratov etc. had already left the scene. But I want to begin from them.

    The ballet is the wonderful art. There are not many ballets, which are good in music and choreography. But they are performed practically on all ballet scenes of the world. You may see the ballets of Tchaikovsky, "Gisel" by Adan, "Don Khihot" by Minkus, some ballets of Tshchedrin (for M.Plisetskaya) in Moscow and Kiev, Odessa and Lvov, St.Petersburg and Nizhny Novgorod, Berlin and Leipzig, Paris and London, San Francisco and Copenhagen. I mentioned only the cities, where I was and visited the ballet performances. The best productions were in my mind in Moscow, Petersburg and Paris (I've seen the Paris ballet during its tour in Moscow).

    In what sense is the ballet good or bad? The same ballet is performed in many places. But even in the same place, for example in Bolshoi it is seen differently with each its performance. I remember the ballet "Red poppy". G.Ulanova and O.Lepeshinskaya danced the title role. It was perfectly different performance every time: each ballerina astonished and bewitched you, and it seemed you to see it in the first time.

    I can't forget as, when I came with foreign friends to "Giselle", the incomparable and getting on in years G.Ulanova was ill and substituted by R.Struchkova. Everybody in hall was dissatisfied to know it. However R.Struchkova danced in that evening in such way and was such Giselle that I've never more in life seen. So much in ballet depends on the spirit, mood and form of soloists, and if to be honest, even the mentioned stars were not always in their good form.

    I can't forget as V.Vasiliev and N.Timofeeva dances the main heroes in the ballet "Leila and Meigenune" by Goleysovsky in Kremlin Palace of Congresses. Before it I didn't like her on scene at all. But everything that they made in that evening was so perfect, wonderful and danced with such inspiration that I remember all their dances even now, many years later. In the same way S.Adirkhaeva, N.Bessmertnova, M.Liepa and M.Lavrovsky astonished me in the first excellent ballet staged by Grigorovich. As it was yesterday, I remember the ballet evenings in Tchaikovsky concerts hall, when the stars of Bolshoi danced the choreographic miniatures by Goleisovsky.

    The ballet stars are shining for so short time and here I want to allocate three eminent ballerinas, whom I was happy to see and who danced for the sufficiently long time and always above all praises. They are Marina Semenova, Galina Ulanova and Maya Plisetskaya. I've seen the first of them on the scene of Bolshoi branch (now there is an operetta there) in the ballet "Young lady-peasant". M.Semenova was already quite stout and not young, and I was first simply afraid, how this "aunt" could dance. But everything that she made on scene, on which she flied as if not touching the floor (the matter consisted not only of her ideal technique but something much more important), astonished me and my Aunt Ava (who brought me to theater) for the total life.

    I had seen G.Ulanova and M.Plisetskaya in the same role in "Romeo and Juliet" by Prokofiev with choreography of Lavrovsky (father). Both of them were tremendously good. They danced together in the different roles in "Bakhchisaraisky fountain" by Asafiev. G.Ulanova was a little simple and light, while was with something staggering and mysterious that always stood behind their perfect technique. I could compare with them only R.Nuriyev, whom I've seen only when he still danced in Leningrad and then - in recording on TV, and N.Makarova in her separate dances. N.Makarova as well as Nuriyev left our country and made a good career abroad.

    All these great dancers, whom I was happy to see, were unified by the unique inspiration and flying as if they lost touch with floor. The Great Russian poet called this dance as "flying performed by soul". I think that there were no more than ten such great dancers in XX century. When I was told or I read all sorts of cock-and-bull stories about these great artists, for example, how many husbands Marina Semenova had or which gay saunas incomparable Rudolf Niriyev visited and how many lovers he had, I took them never seriously: if it helps to such people to make on the scene, what and how they make, let God allow them to be engaged outside the scene in everything that they want; and finally that is their private matter and their own life.

    I was always glad to see the wonderful technique of small but so perfect Olga Lepeshinskaya, and then - E.Maximova, whom I didn't like in the beginning, because she was spoken to be protege of G.Ulanova. But her roles in classic and modern performances with V.Vasiliev in Bolshoi and her ballet roles in TV films were so excellent.

    When the ballet world was opened before me, especially after the marvelous productions of Grigorovich (ballets "Stone flower", "Legend about love", "Spartacus") I began to visit practically all performances of Bolshoi for some years. It is natural that when you visit often, you could find the ways of coming in theater, because always and everywhere it is so difficult to get tickets on ballets. For example, I was taken to the performance of "Tale about solder and damn" (by Stravinsky) by its choreograph Enn Suve, who visited me at home and whom even my mother knew. Many gays are generally working everywhere in ballet.

    My good acquainted from musical club Svetlana organized in her club In Podlipki (near Moscow), where the creators of cosmos equipment and technique are working and live, the meeting evenings with the great ballet dancers. M.Plisetskaya astonished me by her mind, independence in judgment and wonderful charm, while the young man and probably a boy friend of Michael Lavrovsky told about this excellent dancers (whom I met also in toilet "Under hats" in the intervals of ballet performances, where he danced) with such love, tremor and professionally that I even envied to them. During my relations with Ed I remembered often this young man on the scene in Podlipki with his declaration of love to Michael before all the people.

    The known and talented theatrical director Lvov-Anokhin (by regret, he died recently), whom I met constantly at the traditional gay points) found his favorite matter or hobby: he (as well as many gays) visited often the ballet performances and wrote about them the remarkable reviews. He felt the special love to Galina Ulanova. His panegyrics about her represent that eternal love, which he couldn't find evidently in our gay life with its constant changes.

    But the success and applause are often created specially. What do I mean? As I understood visiting the ballet performances, the specially invited people applaud always much louder that others. These people visit the performances without tickets by invitation. Just among then there are many gays participating usually in such artificial success. I remember, how the known vaudeville singer Jack with wonderful long prick (who came in Russia from Paris) told me, how he was irritated by these ballet boys and habitues from Mariinsky (then - Leningradsky) theater, all of those he fucked long ago.

    I should state that even the most prominent dancers appealed to the services of such applauding people. But how we can judge them: towering over everybody they should play in the common games. I repeat once more that not young M.Semenova managed to bewitch me, so young boy, with her inspiration and so technically perfect dance. And M.Plisetskaya manages in spite of all her years always to enchant and carry to extreme ecstasy the public, even when they see her in TV screens.

    I like sometimes the Lenigradsky or St.Petersburg ballet even more than Moscow one. I remember my visit of Kirovsky Theater, when I came 20 minutes before the beginning of ballet "Path of thunder" with N.Dudinskaya and Sergeev - the real stars of ballet world. The ticket seller told me that the tickets were sold long ago. However when she knew that I was from Moscow, she found me in the crowd of those which wants to get into theater and gave me a ticket in 5 minutes before the beginning. That is a typically Leningrad relation to people and it is quite different from what we have in Moscow. In Kirov Theater there is a wonderful corps de ballet. The former stars I.Kolpakova, A.Shelest, A.Osipenko, M.Barishnikov and quite young then R.Nuriyev (when I've seen him on Leningrad scene) are worthy of some books that should be written about each of them. Fortunately many their dances were fixed in films. But of course they were shooted not in such good way, as for example, the dances of N.Makarova were fixed abroad. However even in such circumstances their dances are perfect and that is the flying born by soul.

    I wrote already about short friendship with ballet master Leonid Jakobson. His touching love to Irene and me was simply wonderful. I acquainted in Leningrad near the Ekatherine monument with N.Dolgushin who had a very slim and long prick and a bad desire to destroy the gay couples. If to speak about his dancing, it was perfection, concealed passion and also a flight. He put in dance so many feelings and totally himself that it was strange that something was stayed in him after all. But I could testify that something really stayed hard and very excellent. I am glad that Nikita is working in so long period and lets God grant him the new success on scene. Now he is staging the ballets in the different Russian cities.

    The people from Leningrad ballet school are always on the go. It is true that Moscow G.Ulanova, M.Semenova, N.Timifeeva and M.Semenyaka are all from St.Petersburg choreographic school. Only N.Pavlova, who danced in Bolshoi, was from Perm school. I had already written how she organized the scandal to her husband Vyacheslav Gordeev and his lover from the ideological department of Central Committee of Communist Party and spoilt life first of all to herself: it shortened her career at scene that was begun so successfully. In the same time Vyacheslav was successful in spite of all: he created his own and excellent ballet group.

    Now in Moscow there are the same number of ballet troupes as the gay discos, i.e. five. Approximately the same number of them (groups and discos) exist in St.Petersburg. The Moscow troupe leaded by Vasiliov and Kasatkina the excellent performances, which were performed before in Bolshoi, were and are performed now, for example, "Spring sacred", "Swain lake" etc. The remarkable Malakhov with wonderful slim figure danced before in this troupe. At the present time he as well as many former dancers of Bolshoi are dancing abroad.

    From all theatrical branches the ballet is good, because the man's body and its dignities are always well seen in it. Just therefore I admired the performances of Paris ballet, where as I knew later on all male stars were gays. The very important meaning is given to the triumph and emphasizing the beauty of man's body in the ballets of Bezhare (for example, his great "Mozart-Tango"). There is even the excellent troupe in St.Petersburg, where men dance all roles. The main thing in the productions of marvelous and now world-known ballet master Boris Eifman is clear. The gay nature is prevailing everywhere. But the master seems not to conceal it and speaks about it in the ballet "Tchaikovsky" and other ballets. He managed to show even in the duets of man and woman such love and such feelings, which can exist only between people with the same sex.

    I remember my meeting at the festival of gay films in Copenhagen with one Spanish-speaking ballet master who worked in Danish Royal Theater. We associated only a half of day but this time was so interesting and emotional. I can't forget the similar meeting in Yerevan with black-haired and extremely pleasant soloist of Armenian ballet and much earlier the wonderful sexual contacts with Lithuanian dancing in their ensemble of folk dances "Letuva". All of them were the wonderful, creative and very clever people, though they would "work" mainly by legs.

    I want also to remember the dance-man's striptease in the hall of hotel in Canadian city Vancouver (British Columbia). The most interesting was just not the process of undressing, which was fulfilled tremendously but the dance, which was begun after it. The partner of the main character in dance was his huge and infinitely beautiful long prick of dancer. Both of them made strictly under music such steps, movements and wonders that couldn't appear in dreams (now they appear often in my dreams). They were the circular movements and trembling (separately and together with balls) and the vortexes together and separately from the slim, sunburned and hard as for body-builder body. The spectators moaned and groaned, drew their hand and all their bodies to the scene and dancer, which approached to us and was again engaged in the dance of fire, brightly changed colors and paints and simply bewitching movements. The spectator created the waves approaching and rolled away from the dancer and scene as in sea. I imagined then how the marvelous Leningrad dancers Nuriyev and Dolgushin could dance the same performance, because finally it was THEIR dance, which by regret they couldn't dance. I wish to the new Nuriyevs and Dolgushin never lose their chance.

    By the way the striptease dances in Moscow gay club "Chance" and especially in the club "Sinners" (Saint Petersburg) astonished and wondered me too. I even thought that it was the miraculous continuing of the best dancing and ballet traditions of two Russian capitals. I am waiting eagerly the new visits in these places and the new meetings with these good dancers with good pricks and figures.

    My favorite kind of sport - figure skating especially dances on ice. The great figure skaters beginning from the great Belousova and Protopopov inherited the best tradition of St.Petersburg ballet also always slided or flew above the ice, and then they as Irina Rodnina soared over partner in the triple and now fourfold jumps. I would like always to know there are among them the gays or not. Finally my curiosity was satisfied: among Russian and especially foreign skaters there are gays. They as for example John Carry, who died from the same illness as R.Nuriyev and Freddie Mercury, danced and dance almost similar to the stars of ballet, with the same inspiration and flying created by soul. I don't want to give the names of another skaters-gays, because it is not important at all. The most important thing is the fact that they forced the millions of people to be enchanted with their unearthly skating dance and their cosmic hop, step, and jump.

    6. "Orchestra" performance in the first Russian gay theater

    Now in Moscow you may see in the different theaters the plays about gays. There is the special, practically gay theater of Roman Victjuk. You can easily visit this theater in Moscow, if you have a great desire. You may also read much about it on the site "gay.ru". But I want now to remember the first gay theater in Moscow, which began its activity in the beginning of 90th at the first gay discos in the club of deaf-mutes. The first performances were the tales, and due to them I acquainted and became the friend with many participants of this theater so unusual for Russia.

    Gradually the theater evolved into the theater-studio with name "Blue rose"; in the beginning of 1993 it produced the play of Jean Annuy "Orchestra". I liked this performance very much, because the theater made this play about musicians and with music in the farce and grotesque style and simultaneously as a tragedy with real human feelings. The producer Arthur Slavin used for connecting the disconnected things the features of grotesque, exaggeration and even circus reprises, which took place on the background of really deep and tragic relations between two main heroes - a violinist Susan and a pianist of orchestra.

    Their roles were perfectly played by Lyubov Tormanova and my good friend (now medical professor) Peter. Peter had to play piano in the play and made it quite well. Both of them created the character by means of known "system of Stanislavsky" with adding the modern rough pronunciation typical for the excellent Moscow theater "Contemporary (Sovremennik)". Of course such acting was in contradiction with the mainly grotesque style of show. The situation was "saved" by actors playing the roles of the conductor of orchestra and the commentator of action Mrs.Ortance (so well performed by Marina Glebova). Just Mrs.Ortance managed to connect the tragedy with farce, the deep feeling and even the death of Susan with the second plan of show, which was created by four ladies playing in orchestra.

    All their roles were performed by gays-my friends Arthur Slavin, Angel Osernitsky, Roman Konstantinov (by regret he is not alive now) and Alexey Koteshkov. Playing the farce the actors had to force themselves all the time to settle with the second serious backphone of show (the situation that was so similar to film of Derek Jarman. Because of it they began sometimes to express much deeper feelings than the simple exaggeration or lampooning of female nature. It concerned, first of all, the relations between two violinists of orchestra - Patricia and Pamela performed my good friends still in the time of club of deaf-mutes Angela and Artemida (their nicknames in our medium). The manner, in which two ladies were on pins and needles each with other, was so typical for our gay world. It was the reason why these my friends had a special success and the response of spectators.

    The production of play used the same contrasting finds that were so typical for the films of Derek Jarman. I am finishing this story or chapter with the repetition of some advantages so typical for the theater "Blue rose" and these films. I've seen the play in Moscow in 1993 after my acquaintance with Derek in London in the end of 1992. But the films of Derek "Garden" and "Edward II", due to which I took "offense" at Derek and up to now rebuke myself for that, I could see only after the death of Derek in 1994. The films were made before the performance of "Orchestra" in Moscow. Anyway I've seen the last one earlier and therefore I compared them with the play, because there was so many common between them: the same associations, interlacing of colors, music, thoughts, feelings, jokes and sufferings and the same gay theme, gay break and gay self-establishment. Both the films and the performance practically coincided in time.

    Sometimes we believe that we are living in this world in the different dimensions and times. But so many in the world, especially in our gay world, so coincide and sometimes duplicate one another in St.Petersburg and Northern Caucus, California and Scandinavia, Moscow and London. Therefore the analogies noted by me in the films of Derek, the performance of Orchestra" in "Blue rose", the dances of Bezhare, the men's ballet of St.Petersburg, the singing quartet "Schwanzen Sanger Knaben (Singining Gay Boys)" in Copenhagen (I've heard them recently, and their Christmas concert astonished me in the same manner as the gay chorus from Los Angeles before), in the gay discos of Moscow, Petersburg, Basel or Portland are so interesting, while the fact that there are so many common in Our World in spite of continent, country or city is really excellent!

    Vladimir Kabakov

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